What an unhappy title. And yet, there’s so much for me to be happy about. I live in London, with the woman of my dreams, regularly taping and auditioning for work on stage and screen. It took years of blood, sweat, tears and sacrifice to get to this point, but I’m still lucky to be able to pursue my passion. Acting is the only thing I’ve ever been told I can do really, REALLY well, so it’s a dream come true to be able to pursue it professionally.
But here I am, putting energy into a blog to exorcize the furious demons buzzing around my chest and skull in the face of losing out on another acting job. Allow me to elaborate.
First things first: “Rejection”? That’s a bit bitter, isn’t it?
Yes, rejection. What would you call it? I was given an opportunity to show what I can do, I put in the time and work, gave it my best shot, and I didn’t get the job. There’s no prize for second place. Yes, just being considered is progress. Getting a recall is progress. Getting in the room is it’s own win, you’re past security and into the vault. Industry professionals who took interest in your work, your c.v. and/or a self tape have given you the chance to show them your talent, professionalism and personality. All great stuff and things they (hopefully) will remember in future. I’ve seen the same casting directors more than once and more often than not they remember you and are nice enough to make a point of it!
And while you can count your small victories, it’s still a gut-punch when you get that email saying you didn’t get it. Some jobs you want more than others, but it’s never an easy message to get, and when you get them regularly it can take you down a miserable mental rabbit hole. The goal of course is to stay resilient, and not get frustrated when all your hard work, effort and stress come to nothing on a regular basis.
Is it hard graft though? It’s acting, not warehouse operations…
Fucking YEAH. It’s time and energy consuming, then you’re kept waiting for days, sometimes weeks and then you get the headache inducing email saying "thanks, not this time". You pin your hopes on progressing your career and your life on getting that job, so you pour your best effort into it.
Rehearsing and preparing for an audition, doing your research, taking time off from your survival job to accommodate it (essentially paying to go to an audition). Self tapes take even longer - a filming session can take as long as two hours, depending what you’re doing. And that’s on top of line learning, setting up the equipment, doing multiple takes, editing the thing together, getting the equipment down, etc etc. It’s great when you get a flurry of tapes, but you get them almost exclusively at short notice (longest I’ve ever had was two weeks, for adverts it’s commonly two days), and you have to work them around your day job, rearrange whatever your plans were, and lose rest time.
It’s substantially harder if you’re working class. You have to work full time to survive, you don’t have a trust fund, hand outs or inheritance to rest on. You sacrifice social life, financial security and personal time to get the work done. For YEARS. This is why most successful actors are rich kids, which is a tough pill to swallow and something the industry is long overdue in pushing back on. More on this in my next post.
Check your ego mate, the world owes you nothing.
Yes. Whatever industry you’re in, no-one owes you a break. You have to fight for it, work hard and work smart and even then it’s unlikely.
At this point my not-inconsiderable ego usually kicks in with thoughts like “if they’ve not hired me, who the fuck have they hired?! I’m a GENIUS”. It’s difficult to stave off bitter thoughts and self convincing falsehoods, things like “It’s an unimaginative, cynical industry that only cares about good looks”. This sort of thing is obviously sour grapes that you just need to keep swatting away. It’s 2024. The industry has never been more progressive or self aware, and casting directors WANT to find the right person for the job, and work bloody hard to do it.
The right person for the job usually won’t be you for myriad creative reasons that you don't get to hear unless you're in the mystery box where the director and the casting directors make their casting choices (seriously, I want to be in that room and hear the conversation. JUST ONCE.), and you just need to deal with it. I always politely ask for feedback when I don't get a job, it's rare you'll get it. Actors need a thick skin and to keep the ego in check, even more so on the job (more on this in an upcoming post).
Bottom line: just because you want something really really badly, doesn’t mean you deserve it. You deserve it if you work hard and smart for a long, long time, if you have the talent and professionalism, and behave like a good person, but this still isn’t going to change anything. I don’t persist because I think I deserve it or because I desperately want it - I do it because I know I’m good and I could make really good work, given the chance.
So why persist if you’ve been told over and over and over that you’re not good enough?
Because I love it, because my work as an actor is SHIT HOT, and frankly because anything else would bore me. I’m not exceptionally good at anything else, acting is what I have to contribute. Persistence is key: nothing worth doing is easy. Progress is slow: I didn’t obtain an agent until I was 26 (and not for lack of trying), I’m now 32 and there was a pandemic in between. I’m auditioning more than I ever have, for bigger and better jobs than I had access to when I was just starting out.
So how do you persist through repeated, consistent rejection?
I try to do four things:
Control. As actors we have zero control of the outcome of an audition, so I focus on the things I can control. Exercise, diet, routine, personal projects - even menial stuff like the washing up gives you that feeling of control and micro-achievement that keeps you motivated and happy. Don't underestimate clean living.
Reality check. the industry is absurdly competitive and merciless. You have to be the absolute cream of the crop to even stand a chance (though I still maintain success and talent don’t go hand in hand…). Keep learning, keep bettering yourself. It doesn't matter how talented, trained or experienced you are. No-one cares. Work hard and smart at every opportunity, and persist. Actors are salesmen. And we’re lucky to be able to even have a go at it.
Count the wins. I got to act for people! I got to face an audience, meet industry professionals, learn something (there is no substitute for experience) and Even if just at a recall, or the first tape request, I got the chance to do what I love as well as I can to industry professionals, who just might remember me for next time.
Create. Keep that creative ball rolling. Even when you do get an acting job, it’s unlikely it will be creatively fulfilling - you get what you’re given and it won’t be your dream job. So in between toiling away at your day job (which hopefully isn’t too soul destroying) and being as proactive as you can with your acting career, make things. Acting, writing, music, whatever else - get on the front foot and create the work you want to be employed for.
One more thing: Mental discipline leads to self-preservation. Nine times out of ten, I’ve found. Once the audition is done, dismiss the potential of getting the job from your mind. The work is done, you did the audition - move on. Then if you get the job, it’s a brilliant bonus. It’s harder to let go of hope when you've landed a recall (and smashed it), especially if you’re pencilled in for weeks then released from it at short notice (ouch), but it’s the discipline you need to persist.
That 10th time is when I fail to do this, and I get really low. That’s when I reach out to the real world and ask for help, maybe go and do something so far removed from the routine and the acting that gives you that fresh perspective.
And when you keep getting rejected, you take each gut-punch head on and move forwards stronger. It depends if you really want it or not. I’m amazed how often actors I talk to seem laid back about getting work and career progression. Every single day I work on something that will get me closer to “making it”. I am nothing if not hellbent and obsessive. Maybe that’s a “me problem”, but I think it’s mental rocket fuel.
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